"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in the sector and they're made out of meat."

"Maybe they're like the Orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage."

"Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn't take too long. Do you have any idea the life span of meat?"

The Wikipedia page links to a page on “carbon chauvinism,” a term I had never heard before but have long-considered over the years.

Carbon chauvinism is a relatively new term meant to disparage the assumption that extraterrestrial life will resemble life on Earth.

Typical characteristics of garage band pages […]

Lack of capitalization: People making articles about their garage bands generally forget that capitalization of proper nouns is one of the underlying principles of the English language […]

Lack of any formatting whatsoever: As 99.9% of garage-band-page-creators have no prior experience with Wikipedia and its formatting system, garage band pages are often devoid of the markup present in standard pages.

[…] Use of the word "hardcore": All garage bands, even if they are not "hardcore" seem to love to describe themselves as such.

They helpfully include a sample article as an example of what to look for and delete:

BRINGERS OF DARKNESS are revitalizing audiences with their raw energy live show and undeniable chemistry of brotherhood. They transcend a world that is locked in genre and commercialism; though they know they can't do it alone, they are the seeds of a revolution.

Members: Tim kingsworth - guitarist born to rock, tim has written many of bringers of darkness's best songs including "my love is like ten thousand arows"

Shayne tracy -vocals Stunning gutteral screams, as raw and wild as the songs

barett lee- bass player the best bass player in idaho is barett lee, his awesome riffs bring bringers of darkness's songs together

wade wilson- drummer      played everyware, now the pumping heart of bringers of darkness beats 

It just gets funnier in the section entitled "How Do I Know if Anyone Cares About my Garage Band?"

[…] this year Twitter learned the hard way that when your entire security rests in the cloud, it only takes one unused hotmail account and a bored teenager to get your entire business plan, all your employee's personal information, and administrative access to your 55 million dollar web application. According to Twitter's top secret internal documents (now published on Techcrunch) "Are we building a new Internet?!?" Well if they are, it's one that needs more security.

[…] one of the world's biggest hardware vendors - whose name every single reader will be familiar with, and whose hardware a good share of you will be using right now - apparently didn't do their homework. When Opera's sysadmin booted up the server to test their web-based administration interface, they came across a single JavaScript statement that managed to piss off everyone up to and including the CTO.

Can you guess the line of Javascript?

Last night, we exchange letters with Mom, then had a party for eleven people in nine different states and only had to wash one glass…

I’m not up my on Net history, because I didn’t know they were doing this back in ‘83. If someone had asked me, I’d have pegged something like this at the early 90’s.

The catch, though, is that the game looks at your playing field and determines which piece you will probably want most and then …. denies it to you.

Brilliant marketing. I love it.

Despite common assumptions that President-elect Barack Obama’s Cabinet nominees are told of their selection via personal phone calls, the Los Angeles Times has learned that the famously tech-friendly Mr. Obama is actually notifying his picks by “friending” them on the social networking site Facebook. Requests to Mr. Obama for comment on the following transcript have gone unanswered, though he did “poke” us just as this went to press.

The transcript that follows… I won’t spoil it; just click the link and read it!

In an impassioned 1,900-word open letter published in Monday’s Washington Post, actor-director Sean Penn urged the unknown person who registered the e-mail address SeanPenn@gmail.com to “come forward immediately, rather than wallowing in the shame and ignominy of fraud.”

Years ago, I went to get my first Hotmail account. I signed up for my name at Hotmail. It was taken. I was like, “Oh well…,” then “Hey, wait a minute…” After all, my name isn’t that common, I thought.

So I emailed the guy, and he responded. Very nice guy. He was a race car fabricator in California, and we had a great conversation about The Pass at Laguna Seca (at 1:01 or so) among other things. We had a lot in common it turned out.

As scientists at CERN prepared to turn on the LHC for the first time, the gaming reddit community realized the significance of this historic scientific event: a resonance cascade and dimensional tear, followed by alien invasion.

One of our quick-thinking redditors suggested a plan to save mankind. We’d send CERN a crowbar. Just to be safe, we made it a wrecking bar, threw in a headcrab hat (for training purposes) and Fark donated a Half-life strategy guide to the cause.

The guys at CERN had a sense of humor, and sent back some pics of the crowbar in action.

After months of futile entreaties to upgrade to its latest version, web browser Internet Explorer made a last-ditch proposal to become local man Jeremy Drewing’s primary Internet application Monday.

One time I was like, “no, Jon, we’ll never make that deadline,” and then he roundhouse kicked the project in the face and we beat the deadline by 7 weeks. It was either Jon or Chuck Norris, I can’t remember.

Jon (and Kalsey, incidentally) are both with WorkHabit, which is coming out of the gate to do crazy big Drupal hosting.